Chances are, if you grew up under the Christian purity movement, you have some notion of the idea of “emotional purity. However, over the course of the past year or so, I’ve realized that the books I’d read and the talks I listened to on this topic had far greater repercussions on the way I viewed myself and any interaction with guys than I had initially thought. So, here’s a list for you of the take home messages I received from “emotional purity” and why I now disagree. And while experiences differ, I hope someone at least can relate. Seeking to love, serve, and honor GOD is the single most important thing you can do to ensure a blessed marriage If you fail to save every single “first” first dance first hand-holding, first kiss, etc for your future spouse, you are damaged goods. The most damaging thing is believing you are damaged goods! You are worth ever so much more than whether or not you’ve ever held hands with someone of the opposite gender. Don’t smile at a guy, look at a guy, or talk to a guy because it could be misinterpreted as flirtation.
Avoid the Heartbreak of Emotional Promiscuity
Have you ever wondered, “What is emotional purity? And how do I stay emotionally pure in a relationship? These are my thoughts, and I hope they can encourage you in some way! For more dating advice, check out my youtube channel: www. Jump to.
The explanation was that dating was a slippery slope that led to premature emotional, physical, and spiritual intimacy that would compromise personal holiness.
What most people fail to realize is that sexual purity is not about what you cannot do, but instead it is about what you choose to do. It is an active choice that we make every day. Sexual purity applies to both our actions and our attitudes. It is the active choice to refrain from sexual activity outside the bonds of marriage. It is the decision to guard your heart and mind by not allowing impure thoughts or attitudes take over. It is having faith that we are worthy of more than short-term pleasures, and that there is something better planned for our lives.
Because of that we have desires, and we will want to give in to those desires. Instead we must have an active part in choosing to remain pure. It means we have to realize that there are more important things than fulfilling desires for a short-term gain. What if you suffered from a past of sexual impurity?
Does this mean that you are a lost cause?
Emotional Purity: A Guarding of the Heart
I remember vividly when the book I Kissed Dating Goodbye came out. The best seller by Joshua Harris was recently back in the spotlight when Harris announced on social media that he separated from his wife and left the Christian faith. My parents, like many other Christian leaders and parents at that time, came of age in the sexual revolution. They were personally impacted by the dramatic cultural changes that came as their generation denounced previously accepted sexual values such as saving sex for marriage, marital fidelity, and sexual self-restraint.
As they came to faith and later went on to become parents and leaders in Christian ministry, one of their main goals was to create a church environment that modeled an alternative lifestyle to the increasing promiscuity in secular culture, with the hopes of protecting the next generation from making the same relational mistakes that they made.
Wow, So I turned to this book at age 20 after several failed attempts & heartbreaks in the dating world. This book illuminated a new concept of “purity” that I had.
Thought I would include this post up here since I cant seem to find it online anymore and it was an incredibly helpful resource for me in my late teens. For young people, these focus for the most part on the subject of chastity. In this age, the most pernicious error revolves around a true understanding of human sexuality. But what of the heart? What of the emotions? The whole world wants to be in love. God is the original matchmaker. He saw your future happiness with that person and smiled.
Yes, God is Love. Yes, He wants you to love. Emotional impurity does a pretty good job of that too. What is emotional impurity? How do you guard your heart in that case? First of all, why should you bother with guarding your heart in the first place?
What is Sexual Purity?
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In a world where waiting, being emotionally unavailable, and not participating in casual dating even in the Christian scene, is boring and sometimes considered.
By Heather Arnel Paulsen. Doing Things Right in Matters of the Heart. Did I Kiss Marriage Goodbye? If you are emotionally attached to someone, it’s easy to cross the line and become emotionally intimate. Then if the relationship doesn’t work out, you’re left with scars on your heart. The church teaches us the importance of physical purity; but it teaches little about emotional purity.
Christian singles often wear their hearts on their sleeves, which can lead to intense, emotionally intimate, male-female “friendships” with no commitment to pursuing marriage. People may have had several of these “friendships” and still consider themselves pure, but in reality they have given away pieces of their hearts that should be reserved for their future spouses.
Emotional Purity will show you how to define and set boundaries in your relationships to avoid making the same mistakes. Learn how to guard your heart and keep it emotionally pure. Using fictional and real-life examples along with sound biblical advice, author Heather Arnel Paulsen outlines the pitfalls of undefined relationships and presents guidelines for living an emotionally pure life.
Emotional Purity (Includes Study Questions): An Affair of the Heart
Earlier this month, when I heard his marriage had ended , I wanted to feel angry. Many people did. But I was sad.
Emotional purity in dating. ” or “What do you do when you live hundreds of miles from your family? “The goal of this series of articles, beginning.
Jump to navigation. Emotional purity — what comes to your mind when you hear that phrase? We know we should not trust our emotions, but how do we keep them pure? It seems that this whole idea of emotional purity is a new concept, and for most of us, it takes some time to process. I believe a contributing factor to the rise in the problem of the lack of understanding emotional purity has to do with the past few generations.
In our American culture it seems as though old people hang out with old people and young people hang out with young people.
FLESH SERIES: Boundaries in Dating
The book starts with the story of Tracy and Mike, two Christian young adults who are both growing in the Lord. One could say that they are both financially, spiritually, and emotionally ready to enter in a relationship, or so it seems. A lot of people even women! She shared a Godly approach to dating, where accountability, blessing of mentors, and parents are present.
Emotional Purity is not a step-by-step book on how to find your future mate. Above all else, Heather points us to find our desires and satisfaction on our Lord, Jesus alone.
Emotional Purity (Includes Study Questions): An Affair of the Heart [Paulsen, this book at age 20 after several failed attempts & heartbreaks in the dating world.
I was raised in Christian purity culture. The evangelical purity movement—born in the s and still alive today—uses false promises, misinformation, and shame to persuade people to abstain from sex. When I was nearing thirty and in a committed relationship with my now-husband , I questioned why I should wait. I was beginning to realize that purity culture encourages Christians to wait to have sex out of fear and in anticipation of perfect future relationships. In short, for all of the wrong reasons.
While the goal of a biblical sexual ethic for Christians is a noble and necessary one, the core message of the purity movement is steeped in fear: we are to remain pure or else. Purity culture pushes myths about premarital sex and the guaranteed benefits of abstinence until marriage. Proponents promise Christians that if we withhold just a little longer, our fairytales will come true—complete with amazing wedding night sex and lifelong sexual and marital bliss. Many of us, especially women, who grew up under the teachings of purity culture carry significant emotional and spiritual trauma today.
Definitions of Emotional Purity:
Teenagers have been called the missing link. They dress differently; listen to certain kinds of music. Adolescence is a turbulent period but it is also a period of adventure and excitement. There are problems to face and difficulties to overcome; there is fun and enjoyment to be had. Adolescents do not want orders but advice they do not need rules but guidelines. It is the stage between childhood and adulthood.
While I’ve not really subscribed to the “Emotional Purity” concept very closely, just practiced discretion in my relationships and interactions, I was in a relationship.
One definition of emotional purity :. Emotional purity is hardly even considered possible in our present society. But think of it this way: How would your future husband feel if he knew that some other guy had known your deepest thoughts, dreams, fears, and emotions? What would he think if some other man had known you even better than he himself knows you? Or how would you like it if some other girl had dozens of long, deep, Intimate conversations with your husband and knew practically everything there was to know about him?
You see, there is more than just your first kiss and your physical purity that you can save. Sure, most girls your age treat all these things casually. Sure, they might be having fun now, but how is it going to affect their marriages later?
If you are emotionally attached to someone, it’s easy to cross the line and become emotionally intimate. Then if the relationship doesn’t work out, you’re left with scars on your heart. The church teaches us the importance of physical purity; but it teaches little about emotional purity.
The great prize in dating is Christ-centered clarity. and family, not prizing and pursuing purity — one error rises above the others, and in many Yes, it is Christ-centered emotional and sexual intimacy with another believer.
The sacred powers of procreation are to be employed only between man and woman, lawfully wedded as husband and wife. Physical intimacy between husband and wife is beautiful and sacred. It is ordained of God for the creation of children and for the expression of love between husband and wife. God has commanded that sexual intimacy be reserved for marriage. When you are sexually pure, you prepare yourself to make and keep sacred covenants in the temple.
You prepare yourself to build a strong marriage and to bring children into the world as part of an eternal and loving family. You protect yourself from the spiritual and emotional damage that come from sharing sexual intimacy outside of marriage. You also protect yourself from harmful diseases. Remaining sexually pure helps you to be confident and truly happy and improves your ability to make good decisions now and in the future.
Do not have any sexual relations before marriage, and be completely faithful to your spouse after marriage.
Reclaiming the Heart of Purity with Emotional Boundaries
Books have appeared that are completely devoted to the subject, talks have been given about it at conferences, and it is bound to come up in almost any courtship discussion. The idea definitely sounds good and the phrase has a nice ring. It has been equated with physical purity, something that many young Christians are striving very hard to have in their romantic relationships. But in real life — in the nitty-gritty of real relationships — is this even attainable?
We talk a lot about physical purity in Christian dating. We talk about it for good reasons. Spiritually, abstaining from sexual immorality is a.
We are taught that sexual activity outside of marriage and sexual addictions are sins that we need to turn away from. Have you wondered if there are any compelling reasons for this? And how can we explain this to people with a differing stance? Genesis God, who created us, knows how best to provide for us because He knows how He has wired us. God, who created us, knows how best to provide for us because He knows how He has wired us Psalm Therefore, His commandments are good for us.
God tells us plainly that when we obey His commands, we will find His blessings Deuteronomy Conversely, that means that when we disobey His commands, we can only expect to experience curses Deuteronomy However, this perspective makes sense only to those who are already familiar with the biblical worldview. Or is there another way for us to explain this to our pre-believing family and friends? Mark Depression and Suicide Attempts A Centers for Disease Control and Prevention CDC report revealed that teenagers who remain abstinent are much healthier on many fronts than their sexually active peers.
According to the report, the most likely explanation for this is that early sexual activity leads to emotional stress and reduces happiness in teenagers.